Ever since the ladies of California got their anthem with the incorrectly spelled “California Gurls”, I’ve been looking for something that lauds the beauty and know-how of my fellow female cheeseheads.
Since I haven’t seen it—and since I’ve lived my life around amazing Midwestern ladies—I am here to inform you on why Wisconsin women are awesome.
These are 7 reasons you should count yourself lucky if you manage to snag a woman from our great state.
(And yes, I know “California Gurls” came out like three years ago. I have trouble letting go sometimes!)
1. We’re Tough
People like to refer to Midwesterners as “hearty.”
I used to be suspicious this term was just a way to say “fat” and get away with it, but I’ve grown to like it.
Winters are long and cars get stuck in the road, but ladies from the cheese state know how to roll with the punches.
I’ve known more than a few Wis. women who have been bucked off angry horses and managed to walk away in one piece.
We’ll just shrug and say, “Come on life, what else you got?
2. We’re Hilarious
I’m pretty sure Wisconsinites are funny for the same reason the Iowa Writers Workshop is home to the best writers in the world.
Winter. Say it with me. Wiiiiinter. (Oh god, so long! Why so long?)
The argument of whether or not women can be funny is dumb enough without adding “Wisconsin women” as a qualifier, so if you’ve never met one you’ll have to take my word.
Wisconsin women are witty, quick on the uptake, and have a mastery of curse words that would make the late great George Carlin blush.
3. We’re Handy
Contrary to popular belief, not everyone from Wisconsin grew up on a dairy farm.
Even so, Wisconsin ladies know how to get things done.
I know women who do woodwork, make their own clothes, grow their own food, and have a decent mastery of all things mechanical.
Even those of us who aren’t quite so good at the handywoman thing (I’m pretty sure I got an F- in shop class) know how to take care of ourselves.
We can make fires, fish, camp, and kill scary bugs like a champ.
If Wisconsin had to send a delegate to the Hunger Games I think we’d do pretty well. You know, as well as you can in the Hunger Games.
4. We Look After Our Own
Everyone has that friend, especially one you know from way back, that gets together with you and acts like a jerkbag.
We may take potshots at each other and tease each other mercilessly, but when it comes down to it you know we’d have to your back in a fight.
Whether it’s saving your female friend from the douche at the bar or standing up for a sibling, we protect each other.
Yeah my friends may sing the song “Crab People” from South Park whenever I get sunburned (jerks), but they also threaten to beat up my ex-boyfriends. If that’s not love, what is?
5. We’re Smart
We’ve got sexy, sexy brains in Wisconsin. It’s true!
Just take a look at this list of the 100 smartest cities in America recently published in VentureBeat.
Madison comes in at number 8, Appleton’s at 12, and even Oshkosh-Neenah ranks at 51. (Green Bay’s not on the list. Sorry guys. Better luck next year.)
You want to get into an argument about politics, philosophy, or religion? Then you best come prepared or you’re about to get served.
6. We’re Gorgeous
I’m not going to pretend like Wisconsin doesn’t have it’s share of weight related issues, but I also don’t care.
Even those of us who do have a few extra pounds are strong, confident, and beautiful. Deal with it.
Plus, if you’ll take a look at WhooNEW’s article 40 Famous People From Wisconsin you’ll see actresses like Heather Graham from The Hangover and Jessica Szohr from Gossip Girl fame.
Not to mention that the 2012 Miss America Laura Kaeppeler was from Wisconsin. (Fyi, she’s a pretty interesting individual and her platform was advocating mentoring the children of incarcerated individuals.)
In conclusion, yeah, we’re smoking. Game, set, match.
7. We Know How to Party
I’ve been debating if I should mention this, but we can drink like an otherworldly Norse super power. (And here I’m definitely using the pejorative “we”, I’m a total lightweight.)
But aside from our impressive drinking ability, we know how to have fun period.
When you grow up in a town where the only thing open after ten is a Wall Mart you learn how to entertain yourself.
Spend one night out with some Wisconsin ladies and you will never forget it.
Take a moment to update that OkCupid profile and add “seeking Lady Cheesehead.” It’s okay. We’ll wait. You’ll be glad you did.
Check out this spoof of Katy Perry’s song! What is it that you think makes Wisconsin women unique? How about the guys? Leave a comment and let us know.
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If you liked this story, check out 7 Types of Men You Can Find & Marry in Wisconsin