I tried to look on the bright side when I wrote 10 Optimistic Reasons to Look Forward to winter in Wisconsin. But now that I’ve officially met the season’s bitter wind chill face to face – I thought I would share the more pessimistic “I hate winter in Wisconsin” side to the story.
Do you despise these 11 things about a Wisconsin winter too? I’m sure there’s more, so comment if you have a good one.
1. When the Gas Tank is Almost on E
You dread having to get back out of your warm car to stand there and freeze while you fill up.
And trying to get the credit card in the slot and push all the buttons is a challenge especially when you’re wearing a big fat mitten.
2. Air So Cold It Hurts Your Lungs
Our lungs aren’t the only part of our respiratory systems that suffer during winter. Your nose hairs freeze up; your kid’s noses run nonstop and don’t even think about licking a flag pole. Not even if someone triple dog dares you.
3. Scraping an Inch of Ice Off the Windshield
I’m talking about the stuff that makes your only ice scraper snap in two. All you can do is sigh (or perhaps scream in frustration) and then dig through your wallet to find a credit card to try and finish the job.
Or maybe you can melt it away with some window washer fluid… But that would just make it look like you crashed into a Smurf. Finally, you just let your car “warm up” in the driveway for 27 minutes until everything eventually melts away.
4. Getting Out the Door With Kids
Then there’s the mittens and coat and hat too. Why does it take forever to complete this process? You’re jamming feet into boots, trying to fit fingers into tiny gloves, trying to get that stinking half-broken zipper to work. (Deep breaths, deep breaths)
And it doesn’t help that the kids are still tired and cranky, and you’re just trying to get to work on time – at least once this week!
You get them all put together so they look just like Ralphie’s little brother from A Christmas Story. Then the first thing they do when they get outside is throw their hats and mittens in the snow!
5. The Snow Plow with Bad Timing
You’ve finally finished shoveling the driveway and you’re taking that sigh of relief and all of a sudden you hear the loud roaring beast coming down your side of the street.
No! Don’t do it snow plow, don’t do it! Swoosh! It’s over.
Congratulations, you just received a heavy load of snow in the crack of your driveway. Thank God for the friendly neighbor who comes by with the snow blower and saves the day.
We know you snowplow guys are just doing your job. We know you’re clearing the roads to make them safe for everyone. But really?!
6. Shivering Through Smoke Breaks
It’s about the only time non-smokers actually feel bad for smokers. Actually, most non-smokers are laughing at you and shaking their heads.
It’s the biggest proof of just how addictive those cancer sticks can be. People are standing outside buildings huddled together in little nicotine support groups, trying not to be the first one to put out their cigarette and go inside.
There’s also the guy driving down the highway in a blizzard with the window cracked. His frostbitten fingers gingerly hold his Marlboro.
If you’re ever going to kick the habit…there’s no time like winter.
7. Chapped Lips from Hell
Or even worse, the lips that are so dry they burn unless you lick them.
You could probably use some Vitamin C from that glass of orange juice. But drinking OJ feels about the same as having your lips ripped from your face.
No wonder Carmex was invented in Wisconsin!
It’s not just lips either. Everything on your body gets dried out and itchy. Sometimes I just want to lay down in a bathtub filled with lotion.
8. Never Ever Seeing the Sun
Usually – sometime during the painful midst of a seemingly never-ending winter when the holidays are long gone – it dawns on us. We’re done with winter. We miss the sun! We’re so deathly sick of the dark and gloomy days.
By this time, everyone’s Seasonal Affective Disorder has really kicked in, we’re gaining a bunch of weight and we’re all claustrophobic from being cooped up with no windows open. Ugh!
If you work a normal 8 to 5 sort of schedule, there’s a good chance you leave home in darkness and arrive when it’s pitch black too. That’s depressing.
There are times when the sun plays Peek-a-boo. It shines down on us for a minute or two, and feeling its warmth is like a little piece of heaven. Then later you’ll hear that “snowstorm Veronica” is about to hit, and it’s like nails on a chalkboard. Please God, no more snow! Please!?
9. Getting Out of Bed in the Morning
If the dog would just leave you alone, you probably would stay in bed. But when a dog’s gotta go, a dog’s gotta go. So you shuffle to the door and the brisk Wisconsin winter wind slaps you in the face – reminding you exactly who is boss around these parts.
Getting out of the nice hot shower isn’t much easier. And sitting down on the freezing cold toilet seat is the worst!
10. The Woes of Winter Driving
Driving in winter is nerve racking. But driving in winter in Wisconsin can sometimes give you the biggest adrenaline rush of your life. Maybe I’m biased since I crashed my little green Geo Prism into the “Homer” sign during my Winona State college days. Spinning in circles on a slippery highway is very intense! I guess it wasn’t my time to go.
After that incident, I became a conservative “right laner”. And sometimes I grumble under my breath at you over confident “left laners” with your big trucks zooming past me! Err.
There’s so many things to worry about. Black ice, slippery snow drifts, finding the line and staying in your lane. I failed my first drivers test because a stupid 50 foot snow bank was blocking my vision.
Driving in winter stinks – and that is that. It’s hard to see, it’s scary and it’s stressful.
Thank God for snow tires and anti-lock breaks. But still be extra careful on those darn round-a-bouts – they can be a killer.
11. Wind Chill Factor
No three words make us groan in despair more than wind chill factor. Or is that two words – windchill factor?
Not many people completely understand how wind chill works (including the meteorologists).
Either way…Wisconsinites know when the weatherman starts talking about how it’s going to be 5-degrees for the high but it’s going to feel like -45 out there…it’s going to suck….plain and simple.
What Do You Hate About Wisconsin Winter?
Eleven reasons to get ticked off at Winter is just the beginning. We’re sure you have better complaints – please tell us about them in the comments.
But no happy winter lovers here. Leave those comments on our more optimistic post about the benefits of Wisconsin Winter – Click Here.
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