6 States You’d Hate Too If You Lived in Wisconsin

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Before we begin, let’s be real for a second. Everyone has a right to be proud of where they’re from (go Wisconsin, WHOO!), but most rivalries are pretty dumb.

Still, it’s fun to engage in some light-hearted ribbing. If you’re from any of the states on this list, please remember these are words uttered on bar stools and at pool tables, not from reasonable citizens.

But if you can’t hate your neighbors, who can you hate? Here’s six states you wouldn’t like either if you lived in Wisconsin.

1. Illinois

Don’t think Sconnies hate Illinois-ians? (Illinoisites? Illinoisies?) You’ve obviously never heard the acronym FIB. (Look it up, I’m not repeating it here.)

Fierce sports rivalries aside, the dislike of the Iillinoisioian people goes all the way back to before 1986 when Wisconsin’s drinking age was still 18 unlike the rest of the surrounding states. This meant an  influx of rowdy, Bears-shirt-wearing teens every weekend.

Add to that a huge swarm of Chicago city residents who treat Wisconsin like their personal state park, the Illinois toll roads we so despise, and their habit of driving like complete, well, FIBs, and you start to get a picture of the friction there.

2. Iowa

Sports rivalries aside, most Iowa teasing happens because it’s nice to feel smug and superior every once in a while. You know, kind of the way you might rag on a younger sibling.

Wisconsin may be boring to drive through and consist of nothing but cows, but Iowa consists of nothing but corn and you can go a cosmic age without encountering a bathroom.

I’m also sure all Sconnies have heard the joke that Iowa states for, “idiots out wandering around.” (We like our acronyms, what can I say.)

But the real reason Iowa is on this list is because Iowans love their state waaay too much. Seriously, Iowans are some of the nicest people you’ve ever met in your life but they will CUT YOU if you say their homeland is anything other than perfectly beautiful.

3. Minnesota

We’ve covered the fierce Minnesota/Wisconsin rivalry before, but here’s the history for the unaware.

As the the program “Are You MN Enough” by Twin Cities Public Television tells us, it began with two friends from across state lines complimenting each other’s place of origin. It quickly turned into a passive-aggressive-insult-off after the Wisconsinite made an off-color comment.

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Today, Minnesota and Wisconsin have the longest standing rivalry in the NCAA. And ever since Minnesota declared college tuition reciprocity for Sconnie students, they’ve been stealing our brightest and best minds away to root for the hated Gophers.

While Iowa is like our younger sibling, Minnesota is the older one that’s always getting on our case about every little thing and stealing our stuff.

But we’ll see who’s laughing come winter. When they’re buried under of 12 feet of snow with a negative 40 degree windchill, we’ll only be buried under 6 feet of a snow with a negative 12 degree windchill.

Realitivist booyah. (Also, the Vikings suck. Sorry, but it’s true.)

4. Michigan

Personally, I never bore Michigan any ill will growing up. They have nice state parks and it’s fun to take the ferry every once in a while. I had, by and large, no opinion of them.

And then I saw this affront to nature.

That’s right, Michigan-ites got all up on us when we used a mitten in some tourist add because they also use their hand to ineffectively describe their geography to outsiders. Please! We were doing that while you were busy disowning the Upper Peninsula. (Oh, suck it!)

Yeah, you look more like a mitten . . . that has a mangled edge from a chainsaw. Oh, it’s on Michigan. It’s on. We’ll see who’s more hand-like when we punch you in the face! (Us. We will be.)

5. Honorable Mentions

This isn’t so much other people who didn’t make this list, but an explanation of why there’s not more non-Midwestern states listed here.

You know how the old saying goes, “familiarity breeds contempt.” The reverse is also true, “distance breeds meh” or something like that. When you get more than two states away, we just stop caring.

It’s like with New York City. It has more people, culture, and sitcoms based within its limits, but we don’t begrudge them for the same reason we don’t begrudge Jupiter for having for more storms.

As for the rest, well, a quick rundown. We all secretly want to move out west (don’t lie to yourself), feel a mutual sense of disinterest with the Southwest (Arizona is just so far away), feel like we’re probably smarter than the South (sorry guys, it’s uncool of us), and don’t pay enough attention to the East Coast to care if they hate us. Which I’m sure they do.

However, there is one state that breaks this mold. Which bring us to our final entry . . .

6. California

Culturally, California and Wisconsin are about as far apart as you can get.

Wisconsinites may be passive-aggressive and drink too much, but the one thing we are not is fake. Sure, every state has its hipsters and poseurs, but you won’t find many Wisconsinites desperately trying to prove how cool they are.

The same is not true of California. While I’m sure most of them are perfectly friendly, sincere individuals (remember this is bar room talk), some of them are also fake, social climbers claiming hearts and losing calories along the way.

But, like Michigan, they might have never crossed our radar. That is, before they had to go steal our status as the number one dairy state.

 

Why California, why!? You already have year-round gorgeous weather, why did you have to take that one thing away from us? We will never forgive you. And that’s why you make the list. Permanently.

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Comments

  1. Only Illinois and Minnesota belong on here. The people from there, think they are better than us, even though they don’t know how to launch a boat or back up a trailer. Thhey don’t understand physics (tailgating). Iowa, Michigan are a stretch.

    California’s claim to dairy superiority is a joke. Quality will always matter more than quantity.

    • Tailgating is a very important part of physics, and I completely agree with you on Wisconsin’s dairy superiority. California can make all the claims it want, but in our hearts we know who deserve the title of dairy state.

  2. Gary Werner says:

    I know it’s just for laughs, but I appreciate your comments about California and New York. Most of our entertainment and music industry is based in those states. Maybe that’s why I don’t like most American made music or entertainment. The stuff I find entertaining is mostly made in South Korea. Is this a plug for South Korea? Yes. I like their adorable dorky sense of humility and humor. Sorry Hollywood.

  3. “Stealing best and brightest minds”? What do UW-Madison and Twin Cities students have in common? They both got accepted to Twin Cities. ~Joke in UW dorms

  4. Raidergrode says:

    Since I was born and raised in Wisconsin, however have lived most of my adult life in California, I will take issue with you on naming it in your article.
    First California out produces Wisconsin in milk and cheese. So I guess it is a very good dairy state.
    Second I could list all the nutcases who have come here from the mid-west and are now labeled “Californians” but there is not enough space.
    Third, next to Berkeley, UW is leftest nutcase university in the US.
    Am I right on these yaknow.
    On Wisconsin but California is still “The Golden State”

    • That’s completely fair. I know more than a few Sconnies that have traveled to California and fell in love with it. Honestly, it’s just the Dairy State thing that landed it on this list. It’s such an integral part of Wisconsin’s identity it hurts to have someone take it away from us. Haha.

      • Raidergrode says:

        I am flying in to Chicago and drive up to Appleton August 19th for the Packer/Raider game on the 22nd.
        It is a long story however,
        I am an Raider fan in the head and a Packer fan in my heart.. I will be wearing a Packer shirt and a Raider hat.
        Your articles are written well with very good and fun subjects. I enjoy reading them.
        FYI, I was in Wisconsin my first 18 yrs of my life and California the last 48 (OMG, I just calculated those years and it can’t be….oh crap it is!!

        Regads
        Gene

        • Good luck with your dueling allegiances in the Raider game. I guess no matter what happens a part of you will be joyful and another will be disappointed. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!

    • Actually, Wisconsin still is the leading producer of cheese. We make more milk overall, but most of that goes into our cheese-making, which is why California ‘outranks’ us.

  5. I have a couple of friends who live in California. Neither of them can find any cheese that compares to the great cheese of Wisconsin. Also, look at the way those cows in CA are raised and they get “foot massages” – aka EARTHQUAKES!! Wisconsin is by far the better dairy state.

    • Exactly! The colder weather just means cows with more character. Haha.

    • Raidergrode says:

      LOL, I agree with you about the cheese. Wisconsin cheese IS the best. If I
      don’t come back and get it, i have it shipped. I love Limburger. You should see these Californians run when
      I open it!!

    • Gary Werner says:

      Here in the Seattle area we buy excellent Wisconsin extra sharp cheddar at Trader Joe’s for only $4.29 per pound. The other good sharp cheddar that I know of is from New York, not California. As for milk, hands down the best mass-marketed milk is Organic Valley brand, which is made from local cows ok, but the company is Organic Valley Coop in La Farge, Wisconsin. So there you have it.

  6. Meg Hyland says:

    This was great! Iowa and California made me laugh the hardest. I had friends from California at Lawrence University and they were confused as to why my peers cared enough about California to wish it would detach from the country… and it’s because ‘happy cows come from California.’ What you said about Iowans and their home state is something I had never considered, but really matches the Iowan roommate I had at Lawrence who was convinced of Iowa’s superiority in a very matter-of-fact way. I also had a slightly awkward encounter with a friend of mine over here in the UK who is from Chicago, and she had never heard the term ‘FIB’ before and I couldn’t bring myself to tell her what it stood for at work. Thanks for the laughs–very fun to read! 🙂

    • Glad you enjoyed it (and glad to see a fellow “happy cows” hater). Full disclosure, I went to school in Iowa and loved it. (The people are extremely nice.) They just have a state love that not even us loyal Sconnies can match. That’s funny about your friend in the UK. Hope it didn’t cause to much friction in that relationship. Haha.

  7. I was born and raised in wisconsin but moved to california and have been here for almost 15yrs. Sorry to say but California IS NOT topping wisconsin when it comes to dairy. Cali is so far behind! I miss wiconsin cheese and dairy so much, im ready to order it over the net and have it shipped to me. Wisconsins #1 if u ask me!!

  8. Jerry Koske says:

    A friend from California pulled the “California is the real Dairy State!” line on me. I told him that California Cheese is on a par with Wisconsin Wine.

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